Friend and Foe……is US
When was the last time you asked yourself, ‘what’s wrong with me?’, ‘why I’m this and not that?’, ‘why I can’t do what I expect of myself?’. And if you get the answers then why you’re unable to change it in your favor? This problem is what we all face at some point and usually have no idea what the hell to do. As much as people around us especially the self development experts keep telling us, “because your routine is not right”, “because you are lazy”, “because you don’t want it bad enough” and all the other shallow feedbacks and blames you have encountered, nobody ever knows the whole “you” and their best advice is limited to a generalization which can fit most of humanity in itself on an easily understandable level.
None of us ever gave a thought that what if it’s not about choices, routine, resources, behaviors? What if it’s primarily about Identity and all mentioned above are just secondary tools guided by it?
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? What do you say to yourself when you have to make a big and immediate decision about something? It all revolves around one statement, “This is me and that is not me”.
I often used to think that if people know what’s good and what’s bad, then why they sometimes still choose to do bad and not good? It’s decided by how they see themselves and not by the habits they have, the resources or routines or whatever. To our surprise, our subconscious doesn’t care about our moral values, principles or social ethics. It only cares about identity and decides accordingly. And when this happens, our conscious need to conform fails, perfect plans start to suck, big dreams are crushed and the only thing we are left with is the decisions made to answer the “who am I”.
So, all the questions asked in the start are influenced by your “self-identity”.
Now, the question arises “when did I get this identity I didn’t know I have?”. All your answers lie in the explanation you gave to yourself about the major events in your life. For example, “I failed? oooh am a loser.”, “what I got the opportunity? no I can’t do it because blah blah blah blah…… aka because am a loser”. See, your subconscious didn’t forget what you said to yourself about yourself the long time ago. The thoughts you have about other people also rely on this same self- identity question.
Now, the good news is that identity is not rigid. As it formed itself without informing you, it would change itself the same way. As you move forward in life to experience many more “big moments”, “this is me and that is not me” would be directed in a different way. This is called “Identity Shift”. And this shift is the reason people don’t remain the same. The dude who spoke rudely to you last year may not do the same this time. It’s all fluid.
And the final question arises, “how do I shift my Identity in my favor to live the life I want?” No, I would not suggest to wait for big things to happen again and then decide. Just make them happen. Take big and frightening decisions voluntarily. This would make you get rid of old fears which were developed from old experiences which have now shifted their identity leaving you stuck in the old “I am this and not that”. This would give you new fears, new what ifs, new experiences and ultimately you would see yourself and your potential in a different light that’s better than the old one. And just like this, your identity would be shifted and all the questions you nodded your head on in the start would revolve around “new you” in your favor.
